Our society spends too much time evaluating poultry pscyhologically.

So I read this joke a while back in Reader’s Digest magazine. I didn’t exactly expect the jokes to be top notch, but I’ve got to admit, this completely appealed to my IR humor (if such a thing is possible).

And also, inspired by reading on my friend’s blog something about what world religions were about, I decided to put this joke up that I remembered. Enjoy!

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
But here’s the twist. What if famous historical characters were asked this question?
Here’s how they would respond:

“Moses: And God said to the chicken: “Cross the road.” And the chicken crossed. And we saw that it was good.

Aristotle: It’s in the nature of the chicken to cross roads.

Buddha: To ask those things would be to deny its nature of being a chicken.

Rene Descartes: To get to the other side. Obviously.

Zen Master: The chicken could cross the road in vain, but only the Teacher would recognize the sound of his shadow behind a wall.

Karl Marx: It was historically inevitable. He was pushed to fight by the struggle of aviary classes.

Sigmund Freud: The reason that you’re worrying so much about this reveals a clear feeling of sexual insecurity.

Einstein: The fact that it’s the chicken who crosses the road or that the road moves from under the chicken is relative to the point of reference.

Stalin: We must kill the chicken IMMEDIATELY….and also all the eyewitnesses….and 10 people chosen at random who let this subersive act happen.

George W. Bush: That the chicken crossed the road with such impunity, despite the resolutions of the UN, represents a severe attack to democracy, justice, and freedom. This proves, without a doubt, that we should have bombed the road a long time ago, with the objective of guaranteeing the peace and avoid that our values are once again attacked by the terrorist acts of this chicken.”

Success and Christmas Wishes

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child or a garden patch…..to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Then it sort of hit me. All this time, I’ve been thinking that true happiness was all about the day when I was going to be fully satisfied with everything about myself. I was going to be satisified with the way I looked, my career, my family, my home. That day, I was going to be happy. And that’s definitely true.
But no, I then realized, happiness is more than that. It’s also when we learn that it isn’t just about ourselves anymore; happiness is the day we learn to find fulfillment in making someone else happy. And I’ve lived through that too. I’ve been so selfish all my life that when it came time to witness the happinesss of someone else I loved at the expense of my own, it really didn’t matter. It actually felt kind of…..happy. lol =]

Happiness is finding yourself through others.

It’s difficult.
Once I heard someone say, “You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have expectations for them. And usually those expectations come out of love for them.”
Very true.

So that’s where the real challenge came in. I realized that there has to come a day when I don’t think about things in terms of me, me, me anymore. I don’t know when, or if that day will ever come. But at least starting this Christmas, I want to be a better person. I want to be someone my parents can be proud of. I want to be a person my friends can depend on and one day say, “yea, we’re good friends after all these years.” I want to be a student my professors can truly respect.

I guess this is the start of my own “bucket list.” As if by a strange twist of fate, it seems, I found a piece of paper stuck in Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a photocopy of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous quote about success.

Maybe it IS time to start thinking about what I really want out of life.
Maybe it’s time to take control of situations.

But this I know for sure,
I know it’s time to start anew.
It’s time to be strong.
It’s time to have courage.
It’s time to know.
It’s time to be me.

So this Christmas, or this New Years, or your personal favorite start date. Take a look at what you’re doing. What you’ve done, and what you can do. And don’t ever let jealousy, hatred, anger, or any of these feelings get in the way of your relationships with people. Don’t let that get in the way of your happiness. Don’t be afraid to let love in, and don’t be afraid to give love to others.

Because in the end, deep down inside, everyone’s just like you and me.

Happy Holidays, Everyone

College is a Time for Everything and Nothing, Pt. 2

So I woke up today, at a ridiculously late hour in accordance with collegiate tradition, and pulled the covers over my face. I did a shimmy/roll on my own rotation axis, to change position.  Then I remembered that my bed wasn’t two feet wide anymore, but rather the queen-sized bed I have in my room at home. Remembering this, I spread my legs out and wrapped them around the body pillow next to me. It felt good to sleep in a bed 4 times your size. =]

I wasn’t at college anymore; I was at home.
But boy did I miss my second home.

I say college is a time for everything  for the following reasons:
Face it. It’s college. This should be automatically understood. People experiment (in labs) and “experiment” (not quite in labs). You learn about anatomy and physiology (in the classroom) and “anatomy and physiology” (extra-curricular activities, if you catch my septic-tank-water drift). You go to sleep at ridiculous hours and wake up at even more ridiculous ones; that’s if you’re lucky to even wake up at all in time to say “Good morning!” to people.

All of a sudden, 10 a.m. is too early to go to class, and your dinners end up being at 9 p.m.
But it’s GREAT.
There aren’t words to describe the amount of freedom and flexibility that college gives you. You call your own shots and you’re your own mom, dad, sister, brother, baby-sitter, and gardener (okay, except maybe if taking care of plants isn’t your thing)–you name it.

Point being, it’s also your time to decide for yourself where you want to go and what you want to believe in. Although  most college campuses tend to be liberal, there is still the opportunity for any political voice to be heard. The only thing that will probably detract from your experience and vary from the standard is the size of your supporter base.
But whatever your beliefs are, you can do it.

Support gay rights?
You got it. Wear your sticker, put up a sign, meet some awesome people in the GLBT community, go to rallies, bring your friends, make a difference, and let your voice be heard.

Want cleaner water for the children in Africa?
It’s done. Join your school’s chapter of Amnesty International, ONE, Invisible Children, etc. to get the wide spectrum of organizations who’ll think of the most creative ways to get your attention and give you incredible support and incentive. Join a team, do your part, change people’s lives.

Wish you could make a difference in the system?
Although it’s not quite the impact, you can join your school’s Student Government. Here, you’ll find a range of positions that’ll sound quite familiar: president, vice-president, secretary, chief justice, senator, etc. Run your campaign, pick your running mate, get elected. Thousands of dollars at your disposal–and you get to decide where every penny goes. (Sort of.)

Want to start working in the real world?
They also have you covered there. Land a coveted internship with Disney, Coca-Cola, or General Mills. Go to your school’s career planning and placement center and search for internships. It’ll be a tough ride, but you can get there.

Want to join a group with lots of people who can be your friends?
Most people turn to fraternities and sororities to fill the empty gaps that college can leave on the subject of friends. Before college, most people grow up going to the same classes as their friends and living near each other, oftentimes thriving in environments that are limited to the same 100 people or so (e.g.- honors kids, sports teams, newspaper staff, etc.) But in college, the size of the student body is more than 5 times what you originally had. How do you meet people and keep up with everything?? Although I haven’t turned to the greek system, some people find the extremely social atmosphere is just the way to go.

Just want a relaxing night out to destress?
Excellent. Grab a friend, jump in the car, and grab a super early breakfast at IHOP or a local cafe. Talk about life, politics, your crazy professors or anything you want while enjoying pancakes at 3 am. Sometimes, you have the most amazing talks with your friends at the craziest hours and make some great memories.

I could keep going with all the things that college allows you to do that change your life, but it’s important to recognize that college has its downfalls.

I say college is a time for nothing for the following reasons:

You waste the most time you’ll ever waste in your entire life in a single sitting. I know I may be an exception, but the fact that I can run 3 blogs, 3 social networking sites, be a full time student, and still have enough time to watch 3,000 videos a month on YouTube is mind-boggling. Not to mention all the extra things I do, as well as the times I go out. Yet, I can still waste time in front of the computer, just vegitating or finding what episode of Pushing Daisies I haven’t seen. (Which, by the way, got shut down by ABC. I’M VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS, ABC. I disapprove.)

Anyways, moving on.

College may give you the illusion of freedom, but in reality, it’s a freedom lacking responsibility. All the nasty little details about how you have an awesome room to yourself, or why you can waste 40 minutes in the shower or leave your lights on all day is because behind the scenes, either your parents or a loan are still footing the bill for your freedom.

It’s also a time when you think you’re going to change the world…
….but you find out the world doesn’t want to be changed, trips you, flips you off, then walks away laughing.

I know it sounds a little pessimistic, but my main point about this is that college teaches you one important and quintessential fact about life: It’s all about balance.

It teaches you to stay motivated even though your classes may frustrate you,
to keep your hope alive even though people may disappoint you,
to keep your dreams alive although life may disillusion you.

College empowers you if you let it. Dare to think. Dare to be yourself. Dare to keep everything you learned with you in college.

It’s the best time of your life anyways. =]

College is a Time for Everything and Nothing

(con’t from the previous post.)

“CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE A SEEDER!
Seeders are unique. They’re cool, confident, independent, active and hard working. They know that eating DAVID® Sunflower Seeds…………”

Great.
Just what I need.
A bag of sunflower seeds telling me I’m awesome.

You know you’ve sunk low when you sit in your dorm room/hamster cage, much on a bag of motivational sunflower seeds (much on the seeds, not the bag), and notice that Edward Cullen doesn’t glitter on your shitty, illegally streamed version of Twilight.

Okay, I have to admit that the first thing my newly minted, perverted college mind thought of when I read the sunflower seed bag was, “What? I’m not a seeder…..that’s a man’s job.”
But then, of course, I immediately crucfix/rosary-smacked myself into thinking holier thoughts like,
Maybe I should believe a mass-marketed bag of sunflower seeds that says I’m the best and looks like it’s been packaged in Uzbekistan (no offense to Uzbekistan)
or
Why are my sweatpants shrinking every time I put them on?

You know, things like that.

Anyways, so enough about the bag of sunflower seeds, sex, and my pants. And Uzbekistan.

So I was saying in my previous entry how I finished my high school years with flying colors and yada, yada, yada.

So I packed my bags, cleaned out my locker, stuck it all in my car, and graduated. I had the works: Junior/Senior Banquet, Grad Night (which I didn’t attend because I had to be at the stupid Junior/Senior Banquet the next day), Prom, Baccalaureate (sp??????), and the official graduation mass at a hip church in K-town that even Jesus would’ve envied. (If you haven’t detected my levels of sarcasm by now and when I use them, maybe now would be a good time to start. lol)

So how did I get into college?
Grade inflation!
I mean,
Hard work!
I sent out applications for I think 12 schools:

• Yale
• Cornell
• Stanford
• Northwestern
• USC
• Claremont McKenna
• UCLA
• UC Davis
• Occidental
• LMU
• Pepperdine
• University of San Diego

And I got into all of them except Yale, Stanford, and UCLA. Go figure.

So after the college I attend offered me lots of KA-CHING, I said “Yes, please” and moved into my dorm.
I came in officially declared as an International Relations major with a Pre-Law emphasis, a feat which I tricked everyone into believing it was something I had meticulously planned out since I could ask for food with hand motions out and slap people when they annoyed me (documented: Age 3 1/2).
However, I didn’t always know what it would entail being an IR major; I honestly thought it sounded kind of cool, and hey, I thought, diplomacy work sounds awesome.
I remember picturing myself rolling with a Rolls w/driver, stepping out of the car in a fancy, expensive suit and walking into a pimped-out embassy …..
They see me rollin’, they hatin’….
Oh, sorry, that’s right. You’re still reading.

But I didn’t always want to go into law, diplomacy, or government. In fact, in the course of my lifetime, I’ve wanted to be (in order from youngest to oldest):

• An architect
• A writer
• A psychologist
• A lawyer

Reason: An architect because everyone told me so after they saw me playing with building blocks.

Failure: Years later, I realized I had a hard time drawing stick figures and hated math.

Reason: A writer because I always wrote loved writing and even designed my own book covers.

Failure: My growing fear of cardboard boxes and no showers.

Reason: A psychologist because I always found that helping my friends and listening to people’s problems is something I could do really well and found fulfulling.

Failure: My mother opposed.

So now I’m going into law, hoping it’s the best course of action. The thing that makes law different than the rest of the careers I tried to pick was that
a) I came up with the idea on my own. No one saw me yelling at Judge Judy on t.v. or anything and then decided that I would be a good lawyer.
b) I won’t have to live in a cardboard box unless I’m a bad lawyer, which, considering my level of pure awesomeness, I somehow doubt.
c) My mother approves.

I love c. Best reason ever.  -_-

I know that I’m short, a woman, and hispanic, and those usually aren’t helpful qualities in the legal field, but I think at the same time this gives me the upper hand.
No one expects much out of me then. And that’s the kind of person I am; I just kinda creep up on you then kick your ass. O=]

Naw, I’m kidding. Sort of. I mostly do believe in hard work and perseverence, but if you don’t have a pair, then that might be a problem. So I’ve taken great care to grow some.

Moving on.

So now that my collegiate background is all established, why is college “a time for everything and nothing”?

Well, that’s for me to know now and you to find out tomorrow because it’s 3 a.m., and I’m dead tired. =/

Sorry guys.

(To be concluded….)