10 of the Hottest Men I’d Totally Have Babies With

Okay, so maybe that last entry went too deep into the Pacific Ocean, so I decided to cheer myself up a bit and put up my list of 10 hottest guys (it was about time. Everyone and their mom does it.)

So….here they are, in no particular order since I’m having an even HARDER time ranking them. Weeeeee!

*Disclaimer: I do not own any of these pictures. All of these pictures were from blogs elsewhere which did not state the source. No copyright infringement intended. The copyright information is on the pictures.*

Basically, I have different categories for hot men.

1. The Pretty Boys – Those guys who pretty much look like they could be gay, but they’re just sooo adorable.
2. The Menly Men – The rugged, but not so cute look that is somehow sexy because of their “rough”, bad boy look.
3. The Sexy Grandpas - The old guys who still got it. Namely, George Clooney.

So let’s start with the “Pretty Boys” (my favorite. =]) In no particular order!

Lee Pace – The star of ABC’s future-show-on-the-chopping -block, Lee Pace plays the role of Ned the Pie Maker in Pushing Daisies. He basically made the list because of his puppy-eye look and sweetness. Towering at a highly attractive 6′4″, Lee Pace definitely makes the top of this list because of his class, shyness, and adorable blue eyes. In addition, his character’s personality in Pushing Daisies makes him even more attractive, since he plays the role of a shy pie-maker whose father left him so he now bakes pies for a living while bringing back the dead with a touch of his finger.
 He can make me some pie any day. Or raise me from the dead. Or both.

Zac Efron- Zac Effing Efron is on this list not because of his bouncy role in High School Musicals 1,2, or 3, but because he’s basically the definition of pretty boy who’s in EVERYONE’S list and a prime example of what to do when your girlfriend decides to pose nude. Well, that’s what he gets for dating Vanessa Hudgens and not me.  His captivating eyes and soft light brown hair make him completely irresistable to run your fingers through (his hair, not his eyes, that’d be weird and impossible.) In addition, his toothpaste commercial smile can sell anything, anytime. Not to mention that dashing personality. Why can’t he have gone to my high school? =/ Oh, that’s right. I went to a nunery, also known as an all-girls high school. He’s supposed to be my future classmate, but he keeps deferring admission.

Jake Gyllenhaal – OH JAKE. Not the most attractive of the bunch, but certainly the most inspiring. Jake is a good reminder of how a little hair on a man is sometimes a good thing. Even though I was somewhat turned off by his role in Brokeback Mountain where he portrayed a gay cowboy, he still has an intense look about him. The greatest difference between Jake and those who came before him on this list is because he’s got more of a manly feel. He may be a little old for me, but what the heck. I’d feel safe and protected in his arms.  

Brad Pitt – Okay, so when you were pretty sure that I was a girl who only liked guys with brown hair and blue eyes, here’s the proof that I don’t. However, I don’t know how many lists out there Brad Pitt doesn’t make. Let’s face it–he’s the ultimate sex symbol. He plays the most coveted roles in Hollywood–the confident, attractive, intelligent, and devious male. From his roles in the Ocean’s Eleven Series to his more WTF-random! roles in movies like The Mexican, Brad Pitt can make ANY movie a hit. I’ll see it just to see him. =P Essence of masculinity, great hair, confident, dreamy eyes, great body, AND a philantropist????? Angelina won the lottery. (Note to self: Convince the parentals to take me to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button on Christmas Day.)

Tom Welling – Tom, from the show Smallville which I’m sure doesn’t air on the WB anymore, is sort of a grown-up Harry Potter to me. He shares the pretty boy geneaology with Zac Efron. However, good ol’ Tommy can just pull off the Abercrombie and Fitch model look of casual-meets-business. I just remember being like, 12, and being jealous of Kristen Kreuk because she’d met a sexy version of Superman (as opposed to the original version of a guy in brightly colored tights *shivers*). I mean, I love Clark Kent and his intellectual look, but quite frankly, this new one’s more of my kyrptonite.

Sebastian Rulli- Okay, so who says Mexican men can’t be really hot? (It’s strange cuz I’m usually not into Mexican men and more into white guys.) Sebastian Rulli is probably the Mexican equivalent of Brad Pitt. (And look! They even share the same photographer and do the same photoshoots! haha) Rulli isn’t a movie star, but he’s the #1 man when it comes to telenovelas, or Mexican soap operas (in addition to being a male model). Again, amazing bod. Bonus points? He’s humble, loves kids, and likes to help out the community. (Sounds like Pitt to me.)

William Levy – Sounds like a white guy, no? Wrong again. Another Mexican! woot! Now, William Levy, for some reason, has more pictures of him and his bulge out there than any other guy I’ve Google Image Searched. He’s also #1 on various gay sites. Even though he’s not gay. So I’m confused. lol Apparently, both sexes find him extremely attractive. Who couldn’t! (Straight men, I know.) However, to women like me, he’s one hot actor. Like Rulli, he doesn’t really do movies, but rather telenovelas. But basically, he makes me say, RAWR, I want a real man like him in my life. =]

Jesse Spencer – Jesse’s well, let’s just say the king of the accent, looks, and career all wrapped with a ribbon on it. However, that’s not him but rather the  fictional character he plays in the Fox medical drama, House. Dr. Robert Chase is pretty much the ideal doctor–knowledge, cool head, looks, and an accent that works better than any morphine (at least on me). And ah, it seems I’ve gone on a blonde streak now. You’ve gotta admit–he’s sort of adorable. Maybe not bulging with muscles, but he’s definitely in the royal court of pretty boys. And especially with his British accent, can you say, “cheerio”?

Tom Cruise – LOL, okay, the only reason he got on my list was because of the mad childhood crush I used to have on him. I remember asking my mom to buy me the movie Top Gun when I was about 6 just so I could see him. I’m sure that movie was completely rated R for a 6-year-old, but I didn’t care. However, take note, it’s OLD Tom Cruise (which would be young Tom….paradox). Not the one today (who is old and married to Katie Holmes.) Still, there is no way I will ever forget his performance as Ethan Hunt in the Mission: Impossible movies, definitely ranking him as a sexy spy. (The reason he’s not on the “old men” list is because he’s not THAT old.)

My Future Husband – I thought it wouldn’t be fair not to leave space for the hottest guy I’ll ever meet. =] BUT…don’t worry, I know he doesn’t officially count and you want more eye candy. So moving on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adam Levine - I reserved the 10th and final spot for my future husband; however, then I decided against that because I didn’t want you to feel cheated out of another hot guy. SO, this is formally the 11th guy (AFTER my future husband, who will be smart, confident, funny, attractive, and have a heart the size of the universe). I put Adam Levine on here for his very unique and sensual voice. Apart from being an amazing lead singer for Maroon 5, he knows how to write those songs and strut that style. He made famous the jeans, jacket and shirt look (which I LOVE on guys). So I guess I owe him that too. =]

 

 

 

Alright, so there are my picks for list one. =] That was fun. lol Oh gosh, the things I do when I am bored……..
maybe next I’ll tackle the “Sexy Grandpas” list…

Success and Christmas Wishes

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child or a garden patch…..to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Then it sort of hit me. All this time, I’ve been thinking that true happiness was all about the day when I was going to be fully satisfied with everything about myself. I was going to be satisified with the way I looked, my career, my family, my home. That day, I was going to be happy. And that’s definitely true.
But no, I then realized, happiness is more than that. It’s also when we learn that it isn’t just about ourselves anymore; happiness is the day we learn to find fulfillment in making someone else happy. And I’ve lived through that too. I’ve been so selfish all my life that when it came time to witness the happinesss of someone else I loved at the expense of my own, it really didn’t matter. It actually felt kind of…..happy. lol =]

Happiness is finding yourself through others.

It’s difficult.
Once I heard someone say, “You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have expectations for them. And usually those expectations come out of love for them.”
Very true.

So that’s where the real challenge came in. I realized that there has to come a day when I don’t think about things in terms of me, me, me anymore. I don’t know when, or if that day will ever come. But at least starting this Christmas, I want to be a better person. I want to be someone my parents can be proud of. I want to be a person my friends can depend on and one day say, “yea, we’re good friends after all these years.” I want to be a student my professors can truly respect.

I guess this is the start of my own “bucket list.” As if by a strange twist of fate, it seems, I found a piece of paper stuck in Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a photocopy of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous quote about success.

Maybe it IS time to start thinking about what I really want out of life.
Maybe it’s time to take control of situations.

But this I know for sure,
I know it’s time to start anew.
It’s time to be strong.
It’s time to have courage.
It’s time to know.
It’s time to be me.

So this Christmas, or this New Years, or your personal favorite start date. Take a look at what you’re doing. What you’ve done, and what you can do. And don’t ever let jealousy, hatred, anger, or any of these feelings get in the way of your relationships with people. Don’t let that get in the way of your happiness. Don’t be afraid to let love in, and don’t be afraid to give love to others.

Because in the end, deep down inside, everyone’s just like you and me.

Happy Holidays, Everyone

College is a Time for Everything and Nothing, Pt. 2

So I woke up today, at a ridiculously late hour in accordance with collegiate tradition, and pulled the covers over my face. I did a shimmy/roll on my own rotation axis, to change position.  Then I remembered that my bed wasn’t two feet wide anymore, but rather the queen-sized bed I have in my room at home. Remembering this, I spread my legs out and wrapped them around the body pillow next to me. It felt good to sleep in a bed 4 times your size. =]

I wasn’t at college anymore; I was at home.
But boy did I miss my second home.

I say college is a time for everything  for the following reasons:
Face it. It’s college. This should be automatically understood. People experiment (in labs) and “experiment” (not quite in labs). You learn about anatomy and physiology (in the classroom) and “anatomy and physiology” (extra-curricular activities, if you catch my septic-tank-water drift). You go to sleep at ridiculous hours and wake up at even more ridiculous ones; that’s if you’re lucky to even wake up at all in time to say “Good morning!” to people.

All of a sudden, 10 a.m. is too early to go to class, and your dinners end up being at 9 p.m.
But it’s GREAT.
There aren’t words to describe the amount of freedom and flexibility that college gives you. You call your own shots and you’re your own mom, dad, sister, brother, baby-sitter, and gardener (okay, except maybe if taking care of plants isn’t your thing)–you name it.

Point being, it’s also your time to decide for yourself where you want to go and what you want to believe in. Although  most college campuses tend to be liberal, there is still the opportunity for any political voice to be heard. The only thing that will probably detract from your experience and vary from the standard is the size of your supporter base.
But whatever your beliefs are, you can do it.

Support gay rights?
You got it. Wear your sticker, put up a sign, meet some awesome people in the GLBT community, go to rallies, bring your friends, make a difference, and let your voice be heard.

Want cleaner water for the children in Africa?
It’s done. Join your school’s chapter of Amnesty International, ONE, Invisible Children, etc. to get the wide spectrum of organizations who’ll think of the most creative ways to get your attention and give you incredible support and incentive. Join a team, do your part, change people’s lives.

Wish you could make a difference in the system?
Although it’s not quite the impact, you can join your school’s Student Government. Here, you’ll find a range of positions that’ll sound quite familiar: president, vice-president, secretary, chief justice, senator, etc. Run your campaign, pick your running mate, get elected. Thousands of dollars at your disposal–and you get to decide where every penny goes. (Sort of.)

Want to start working in the real world?
They also have you covered there. Land a coveted internship with Disney, Coca-Cola, or General Mills. Go to your school’s career planning and placement center and search for internships. It’ll be a tough ride, but you can get there.

Want to join a group with lots of people who can be your friends?
Most people turn to fraternities and sororities to fill the empty gaps that college can leave on the subject of friends. Before college, most people grow up going to the same classes as their friends and living near each other, oftentimes thriving in environments that are limited to the same 100 people or so (e.g.- honors kids, sports teams, newspaper staff, etc.) But in college, the size of the student body is more than 5 times what you originally had. How do you meet people and keep up with everything?? Although I haven’t turned to the greek system, some people find the extremely social atmosphere is just the way to go.

Just want a relaxing night out to destress?
Excellent. Grab a friend, jump in the car, and grab a super early breakfast at IHOP or a local cafe. Talk about life, politics, your crazy professors or anything you want while enjoying pancakes at 3 am. Sometimes, you have the most amazing talks with your friends at the craziest hours and make some great memories.

I could keep going with all the things that college allows you to do that change your life, but it’s important to recognize that college has its downfalls.

I say college is a time for nothing for the following reasons:

You waste the most time you’ll ever waste in your entire life in a single sitting. I know I may be an exception, but the fact that I can run 3 blogs, 3 social networking sites, be a full time student, and still have enough time to watch 3,000 videos a month on YouTube is mind-boggling. Not to mention all the extra things I do, as well as the times I go out. Yet, I can still waste time in front of the computer, just vegitating or finding what episode of Pushing Daisies I haven’t seen. (Which, by the way, got shut down by ABC. I’M VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS, ABC. I disapprove.)

Anyways, moving on.

College may give you the illusion of freedom, but in reality, it’s a freedom lacking responsibility. All the nasty little details about how you have an awesome room to yourself, or why you can waste 40 minutes in the shower or leave your lights on all day is because behind the scenes, either your parents or a loan are still footing the bill for your freedom.

It’s also a time when you think you’re going to change the world…
….but you find out the world doesn’t want to be changed, trips you, flips you off, then walks away laughing.

I know it sounds a little pessimistic, but my main point about this is that college teaches you one important and quintessential fact about life: It’s all about balance.

It teaches you to stay motivated even though your classes may frustrate you,
to keep your hope alive even though people may disappoint you,
to keep your dreams alive although life may disillusion you.

College empowers you if you let it. Dare to think. Dare to be yourself. Dare to keep everything you learned with you in college.

It’s the best time of your life anyways. =]

Ornish: On Becoming Vegetarian

A week ago, I walked into the dining hall closest to my dorm for a late lunch. I went from station to station, seeing the usual pizza, pasta, soup, meat-of-some-sort selection. However, I grabbed my plate and started to pile on food. After I was done, I left it on the table I was sitting at, took out my book, and began eating/reading.

But I noticed people stared at my food as they walked by.

They were staring at my plate, which look like it was drawn out of a health commerial. On the plate, I had piled a mountain of lettuce, bell peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, bean sprouts, and beans. Next to that, I had served myself some vegetable medley, and for “dessert,” I grabbed three fruits chopped up and mixed with yogurt and granola.
I fininshed off my gourmet dinner with a glass of water.
No wonder people stared. It had to be the most RIDICULOUSLY healthy meal ever. Who eats 3 fruits for lunch? Me, apparently.
Why?

I can blame a guy called Ornish.

It was the first day of my new life on the Ornish Diet. Developed by a Dr. Ornish, the diet was originally designed to reverse and prevent heart disease. By eliminating a wide spectrum of foods, the diet can be categorized as one of the most hardcore diets out there.

The Ornish Diet calls for:

• ONLY consuming beans, legumes, grains and fruit until you are full.
• RARELY consuming low-fat milk, cheese, and yogurt
• NEVER consuming meat of any kind, oils, fats, avocado, sugar, alcohol, and packaged food with more than 2g of fat.

from http://fitness.resourcesforattorneys.com/images/low-fat-diet.jpg

 The Ornish Diet is made up of 70% carbs, 20% protein, 10% fat.

So that’s the story of how I became a vegetarian. The only reason I call it that is because even though the diet said you could accomodate a little bit of meat, I found it easier just to obliterate it all together. Why tempt myself?
Also, I didn’t do it for the animals or anything else (although I do care a lot about them, but that wasn’t the reason); I did for health reasons. I don’t know how I feel about it, honestly, because the diet is taking a huge toll on me, psychologically and physically. However, I feel empowered to a certain extent. I think  for the first time in my life, I’ve decided to take control over the one thing I know can change my life completely.

I was recently motivated to begin this treatment, after discussing it with my doctor, because I felt it was time to respect myself once again. I felt that by letting my health deteriorate and food take over my life, I was losing control of the self-image I construct and portray to not only others, but also myself.

Thankfully, my parents are respecting my decision and helping me with my new nutrition plan. Although basically Mexican and vegetarian don’t mix very well (Mexican diets, I’m sure, are 50% fat, 40% protein and 10% love. haha), I think they’re just relieved to know it’s not going to be forever. In fact, I’m not even sure I’ll last another week. But I know one thing: I’ve come to far to quit now, and I’ve always prided myself in finishing what I start.

So on the topic of “diets,” it always seems that people are looking for the right diets left and right. Atkins, South Beach, Slim Fast, Jenny Craig, you name it. People seek diets that add on the protein and others that obliterate it. Some call on you to live on rabbit food, while others tell you to “eat like a champ” or

Eat burgers, pizza, and salad and STILL lose weight! – Nutrisystem slogan

But in the end, what people don’t really know is that dieting is mostly psychological. Well, first let’s start off by NOT calling it a diet. Let’s call it…hmm…balacing out your meals. Because that’s true; whenever you’re dieting, don’t think of it as “oh, here we go, we’re gonna lose those pounds now!”, but rather, look at is as “okay, so I’m making better choices to clean out my system.” Because basically, that’s what eating right does. It cleans out your system. Two years ago, I was very sick due to a gastrointestinal disorder I have (which is aggravated by a poor diet and weight gain), so I went on a chicken, vegetables and rice diet. That worked wonders. I lost about 20 pounds in 2 months, and although I have to admit I looked sickly, I was getting healthier than ever. Eventually, your body seems to grow accustomed to what you eat, and you gain energy as well as a craving for your new diet. Then….well, college started and you can figure it out from there.

I’m wondering what my one of my closest friends, who is also recently became a vegetarian, is going to say if and when he reads this. lol Well, all I can say is, now we’ll have less dietary problems when we go out and eat….? =D

Anyways, that’s my rant on dieting. It only works if you want to do it, have patience, and most importantly, do it for the right reasons. It takes a ridiculous amount of willpower, but just think of everything you’re losing by letting yourself be unhealthy.

College is a Time for Everything and Nothing

(con’t from the previous post.)

“CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE A SEEDER!
Seeders are unique. They’re cool, confident, independent, active and hard working. They know that eating DAVID® Sunflower Seeds…………”

Great.
Just what I need.
A bag of sunflower seeds telling me I’m awesome.

You know you’ve sunk low when you sit in your dorm room/hamster cage, much on a bag of motivational sunflower seeds (much on the seeds, not the bag), and notice that Edward Cullen doesn’t glitter on your shitty, illegally streamed version of Twilight.

Okay, I have to admit that the first thing my newly minted, perverted college mind thought of when I read the sunflower seed bag was, “What? I’m not a seeder…..that’s a man’s job.”
But then, of course, I immediately crucfix/rosary-smacked myself into thinking holier thoughts like,
Maybe I should believe a mass-marketed bag of sunflower seeds that says I’m the best and looks like it’s been packaged in Uzbekistan (no offense to Uzbekistan)
or
Why are my sweatpants shrinking every time I put them on?

You know, things like that.

Anyways, so enough about the bag of sunflower seeds, sex, and my pants. And Uzbekistan.

So I was saying in my previous entry how I finished my high school years with flying colors and yada, yada, yada.

So I packed my bags, cleaned out my locker, stuck it all in my car, and graduated. I had the works: Junior/Senior Banquet, Grad Night (which I didn’t attend because I had to be at the stupid Junior/Senior Banquet the next day), Prom, Baccalaureate (sp??????), and the official graduation mass at a hip church in K-town that even Jesus would’ve envied. (If you haven’t detected my levels of sarcasm by now and when I use them, maybe now would be a good time to start. lol)

So how did I get into college?
Grade inflation!
I mean,
Hard work!
I sent out applications for I think 12 schools:

• Yale
• Cornell
• Stanford
• Northwestern
• USC
• Claremont McKenna
• UCLA
• UC Davis
• Occidental
• LMU
• Pepperdine
• University of San Diego

And I got into all of them except Yale, Stanford, and UCLA. Go figure.

So after the college I attend offered me lots of KA-CHING, I said “Yes, please” and moved into my dorm.
I came in officially declared as an International Relations major with a Pre-Law emphasis, a feat which I tricked everyone into believing it was something I had meticulously planned out since I could ask for food with hand motions out and slap people when they annoyed me (documented: Age 3 1/2).
However, I didn’t always know what it would entail being an IR major; I honestly thought it sounded kind of cool, and hey, I thought, diplomacy work sounds awesome.
I remember picturing myself rolling with a Rolls w/driver, stepping out of the car in a fancy, expensive suit and walking into a pimped-out embassy …..
They see me rollin’, they hatin’….
Oh, sorry, that’s right. You’re still reading.

But I didn’t always want to go into law, diplomacy, or government. In fact, in the course of my lifetime, I’ve wanted to be (in order from youngest to oldest):

• An architect
• A writer
• A psychologist
• A lawyer

Reason: An architect because everyone told me so after they saw me playing with building blocks.

Failure: Years later, I realized I had a hard time drawing stick figures and hated math.

Reason: A writer because I always wrote loved writing and even designed my own book covers.

Failure: My growing fear of cardboard boxes and no showers.

Reason: A psychologist because I always found that helping my friends and listening to people’s problems is something I could do really well and found fulfulling.

Failure: My mother opposed.

So now I’m going into law, hoping it’s the best course of action. The thing that makes law different than the rest of the careers I tried to pick was that
a) I came up with the idea on my own. No one saw me yelling at Judge Judy on t.v. or anything and then decided that I would be a good lawyer.
b) I won’t have to live in a cardboard box unless I’m a bad lawyer, which, considering my level of pure awesomeness, I somehow doubt.
c) My mother approves.

I love c. Best reason ever.  -_-

I know that I’m short, a woman, and hispanic, and those usually aren’t helpful qualities in the legal field, but I think at the same time this gives me the upper hand.
No one expects much out of me then. And that’s the kind of person I am; I just kinda creep up on you then kick your ass. O=]

Naw, I’m kidding. Sort of. I mostly do believe in hard work and perseverence, but if you don’t have a pair, then that might be a problem. So I’ve taken great care to grow some.

Moving on.

So now that my collegiate background is all established, why is college “a time for everything and nothing”?

Well, that’s for me to know now and you to find out tomorrow because it’s 3 a.m., and I’m dead tired. =/

Sorry guys.

(To be concluded….)

The Best of Times…and the Worst of Times

[GET READY FOR AN EXTRA LONG ENTRY ABOUT MY LIFE, SO I GUESS ONLY READ IF YOU'RE BORED.]

I remember buying my first classical literature book back when I was in sixth grade. I went with my mom to Waldenbooks (back when it existed) and bought my first hardcover version of the classic Dickens novel, A Tale of Two Cities. I vowed to begin cultivating my mind at an early age, thinking that would set me apart from everyone else. I guess you could sort of say I thrived from knowing I was better. Either that, or it was a deep pathological desire to occupy myself with something else other than the fact that I wasn’t a normal kid.

I guess that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I was a normal kid–to a certain extent. I loved toys, Christmas, stuffed animals, pink, and playing games with my friends. I guess at some point, I forgot the things I really liked to do and WHO I WAS. And trust me, THAT’S saying something.

If there’s anything that bases how my life RUNS, it’s basically my self-esteem. If I have a good image of myself and I love who I am, then everything goes well. Everything goes according to plan, I always get my way, and my grades are high.

HOWEVER! When my self-esteem is low, I turn into completely the opposite. I’m moody, I let myself go, my grades drop, and I find myself in love with guys I can’t have. And I end up saying “fuck my life” as often as I say “goodnight.”

I guess you could say it’s been a roller coaster ride throughout my years. When I was a kid, I always knew there was something different about me. And that something was that I was 7 going on 15. I was mature enough to take control of situations early on and manipulate things to how I wanted them to be. By first grade, I had managed to make a “mortal enemy” and get half of the class to side with me as she got the other half of the class to side with her. After this, we faced off constantly, squabbling and arguing who was better and got waves of supporters to say I was right.

It seems I was already a politician at the age of 6.

And oh yes, I had a love life too. My first “boyfriend” Bruno, whom I remember only liking so much because he had brown hair and blue eyes (lol) cried whenever he didn’t sit next to me, and we were inseperable, holding hands all the time. On the other hand, I hung around James too, who was the more outgoing of the two. James also wanted to sit next to me all the time. Except he didn’t cry. Yay for James and his manhood.
Moving on.

But childish love is nothing but a fiendish emotion.

Basically, I felt ready to grow up. I felt ready to be ahead of my time. I also did an insane amount of sports. I was in swimming, cross country, tennis, and gymnastics. Even though I despised swimming, I made the team for iunior Olympics in Mexico. I also won first place in the Statewide race for cross-country (taking leaps at the end WORKS). In gymnastics, I could do a cartwheel and backflip before anyone in my class, so I moved up to more advanced classes.
I lived and breathed sports.

In addition, I was at the top of my class academically. When I came to the U.S., I was tested a few grades ahead. (There were no 2nd grade tests, only 4th, and I passed that one.) For fun, I wrote books for people in my family. Stories that, surprisingly enough, ended up winning local contests. When I was 12, I was admitted into the Institute of Children’s Literature and was under the private tutelage of author Virginia Kroll. The only thing that ever brought me down before high school was Algebra.
Hey Algebra,
X=YOUR MOM.

Anyways.

Okay, BEFORE you think of this as a victory lap entry and get pissed at me for being so conceited, I have a point to all of this.
My point about this,
which you may already be wondering,
is
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, THEN?????????????????????????????

But you know what?
I’m not going to blame life. Or God for that matter. That’s the whole point of this entry. I have realized that, in the end, I have no one to blame but myself. I have learned so many things since then. The main reason I did this entry and actually took the time to sit down and write all these accolades to myself is because I’m going through an self-evaluation process. My life has changed a lot in the past year, especially in the last few months. The more life goes on, the more I’m learning about myself and about the people in my life. And it’s great. I wouldn’t take back any of it (okay, except maybe a few experiences I know I could’ve done without like writing inappropriately sounding words on the board and not knowing what they mean until it’s too late—c’mon, what can you learn from that apart from ‘don’t be a dumbass?’)

So let’s keep going with the story.
The 8th grade was definitely a milestone for me. It was then I decided I hated math and LOVED government. I don’t know what it was about American government that I loved. I remember writing the preamble to the Constitution in my notebook, and even memorizing it without anyone asking me to know it. Everyone hated the subject except me.
“We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union. establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution.”

Heh.
Oh boy.

I still remember it.

Four years later, during my senior year of high school at The Academy, I continued my winning streak with government. R. Lines, my Gov/Econ teacher and also a graduate of SC, sat down at his desk one day while we were waiting for morning announcements. Since I sat directly in front of him, it felt awkward not to talk to him (which I often did not. o.O) This time, however, I decided I had enough energy to suck up that morning and tried to maintain a long conversation with him. However, the conversation turned out better than I expected; I genuinely became interested in what he was saying–how the school had so much drama in the administration and how our educational system was basically royally fucked.
Then he told me, “You know, if I could have a little more of a say in this school, I’d make a completely different class for you and some other kids who are also smart. If they’d let me, I’d teach you guys AP Gov and AP Econ.”

But they didn’t.

It was at that point I realized the bureauocracy of the school and “the system.” I packed up my bags, left disappointed, and came to college.

(To be continued…)

Good Words to Live By

“A woman was made from the rib of a man, not from his feet to be stepped on and not from his head to be superior to him. Instead, she came from his side to be equal, under his arm to be protected, and next to his heart to be loved.”

So what if I have high expectations?

Making the Transition

So I’m jumping from blog to blog, unable to find any kind of satisfaction in each. So here I am, at the more innovative wordpress, hoping this will be my last. But for continuity, I will include my last entry from my former blog and have it be the milestone for the new beginning.

“We must have the courage to know.” – Immanuel Kant

Dear God,

You may be wondering why I’m writing this final entry to you instead of any particular person, but I don’t think I have the courage to say the things I’m about to say to anyone except you. I know my friends will read this, but I still feel strange writing this entry. I don’t know if people will respect me more or less after this entry, but in the end, that must not matter.

My friend Richie once told me that whenever I felt alone, you would always be with me. Are you? I wish I could have that kind of faith. Not that I don’t believe in you, I just have trouble believing in myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for everything. Especially my scholarship. Dom once said those types of things “only come once in a lifetime.” Just like my family. Have I truly appreciated either? Not from the looks of things.
Going to Michelle’s and Angie’s debuts made me realize how much I regret not having that kind of a relationship with my parents. Instead of being touched and moved by my father-daughter dance, I’m crushed under the embarrassment of my father and his overly energetic ways of doing things. Don’t get me wrong there either; I love my parents, but I feel that sometimes they push my patience a little too far.

To speak in parents in this way, of course, is proabably to break one of Your Commandments. “Honor thy father and mother.” Yes, I paid attention in the 15 years of Catholic school I attended. I not only honor them, but I admire them. They are two of the most amazing people I know, and I know that the problem isn’t them.

I often see that when it seems like everything is wrong with the world, look inward and try to see if you are not the one failing to respond to the miracle happening around you.
Oftentimes I wonder (and come to the conclusion) that I’m the one failing to make the most out of life. But every day demands so much hope and patience that days come when I feel like I don’t believe in what I preach anymore. It’s hard to keep going when you’ve dedicated your entire life to the search of good people, as few or many as there may exist, and only found that those you placed your trust and heart in the most turn out to be the greatest disappointments. But in my years of experience, I’ve gradually found that the little stones which make the path rockier also mark my journey and remind me of every lesson I’ve learned. In fact, I’ve learned not to hate the hate and not to envy jealousy. I know that throughout life people will hurt me and situations will try to discourage me, but if you believe in whatever goodness you may be able to find, it seems you empower yourself more than others. No, you are not a fool for believing in others who don’t believe in you. No, you are not naive for not knowing. No, you are not weak for not accepting it. You are powerful because you are capable of seeing beyond these feelings of hate and belittlement and realizing that how we treat others is only a reflection of how we view ourselves. It takes more courage to love than to hate.  Love your life and see the good in it; trust me, you’ll thank yourself later.

On Love…
Romance and feelings have always played a large role in my life. So much that at one point, I was prepared to make my life around it. Who doesn’t like the feeling of knowing someone out there thinks you’re special? That you complete someone? To have someone with whom to sit quietly in each other’s presence? And if those sound a little selfish, how about those times that you laugh at the times the person you love drives you crazy and you say to yourself, “Gosh, anyone else would find that annoying, but not to me. No matter what they do, I can’t stop loving them!” Or how about an unspoken hug that says “I love you” louder than any sound and lasts longer than eternity?

If my parents ever said anything that really stuck with me, is that I should always try to “make time for time,” meaning that you need to give even time a chance. The deepest wounds take the longest time to heal, and even though I might not want to face the heartbreak, I realize I’m not heartbroken.
Why?
Because I realized that the love I have for someone and my wish to see them happy is more powerful than any pain I could be in because I cannot be with them.
 And finally, the one we all know: The only way you can love others is to truly love yourself.

On Personality….
“Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
I have come to accept that I cannot change the way I am. I can only change what I can become.
I have tried numerous different attitudes towards life and found that it is only hypocritical and unjust to others to be anyone but myself. I am sorry, but I am a serious, responsible, intellectual, concerned, loyal, creative individual who hopes to have a sense of humor, but does not think the world is all endless sunshine. If you do not agree, then I’m sorry but I must say what my heart dictates. I must tell no lies.

On Philosophy…
You cannot seek refuge behind thought without the right intentions. To try to seek answers for the sake of appearance is to really seek nothing at all. I know I might be doing it too, but I would at least try to encourage everyone to really think about things in context and perspective.

On Life…
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” – Lou Holtz
There exists a notable difference between acknowledging that you don’t have control over some elements of life and not recognizing the opportunities that life gives you. So much of your life is in control, that much I know, that it seems when we’re too lazy to take responsibility for our actions, that’s when things seem to be the most out of control.

On Friendship….
“Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.”
It is often said that at the end of your life, you will be able to count your real friends with one hand. I have had so many friendships which have given to me, and others which have taken from me, but in the end, one must learn that even friendships must be carefully handled. I’ve made the mistake of getting too attached to some, falling in love with others, trusting some too much, but I’ve also had the privilege of meeting some of the finest people.

On Change…
“Keep your coins, I want change.” – The Bum
The only constant in life is change, say great philosophers. And it’s true; regardless of your personal opinion on change, whether positive or negative, it is one constant we can always rely on. So when we say, “we want change,” what can we expect exactly? If change is something that constantly occurs, is it really change? What IS change? Well, delving into that whole argument would remind me only too much of my Philosophy class which has already given me enough headaches and sore butts. So instead, I like to simply see change as an improvement or deterioration of the standard.

On goals….
From what I know about myself, which is very little, I can tell you that I’ve been pretty good about reaching my goals. Despite the horrors of my IR 210 class (a “weeder” class), I’ve decided to stick with my International Relations major. Sure, personal satisfaction is a perfectly legitimate reason to stick to your goals. Others might include rewards, a sense of control, or even a sense of empowerment. Whatever the reason is, with each goal I reach it seems I learn more and more about myself. And believe me, the lessons are not always positive.

On forgiveness….
“A naive person never forgives, a fool forgives and forgets, and a wise man forgives but never forgets.”
So these are my words for anyone who’s had ill feelings towards me or wronged me:
I love you, but I do not forget.
Whatever you may think of me, are your thoughts to keep and I respect them, but we are still connected by a miracle. This world cannot revolve on hatred or revenge, and neither can I. Doing so only holds me back. I grow and mature through this. I know that the flaws we find in others are only a reflection of the flaws we find in ourselves. My only hope is that you find these miracles to help you along before it’s too late. Learn to see things from a kind heart, a noble mind, and a clean soul. Learn to live and let live. For all our sakes.

So, please guide my way so I can stop making all these mistakes. I want to change for the better; I want the people’s lives whom I interact with to change for the better too.

Looking back on this entry, it really does resemble a scrambled effort to try and put my thoughts and feelings in order. What I didn’t realize, though, is that oftentimes those two are never meant to work together.
My goal with the blog is not to make authoritative statements about anything, but rather use my best judgment. It seems that most of the time I am biting my tongue, not speaking up in class, and keeping my thoughts to myself out of either fear or respect, but maybe if I put them here, there might be someone out there who might be willing to listen.